Ever have the same conversation with someone that you could just fast forward? They say the same things to you over and over and whether they see it or not, they are stuck in a rut and not moving forward.
Here’s Four Simple Steps to help them through to a next level. I call this the Coaching ROAD!
In a nutshell it looks like this.
1) Recognition – help them choose a focus.
(Today is part one so we’ll talk more about that in a bit.)
2) Ownership – hit the ball back!
It’s not your job to change their circumstances or their life. People need to “carry their own load”. We have been given every spiritual gift- God has made a way and we need to offer the hope of forward movement and help people understand their choices keep them hostage to their situation or lead them forward into what’s next.
3) Action Steps – build traction toward the goal.
The practice of SMART goals and action steps take people toward their intentions. (The practice of whining about circumstances and expecting you or others to bring relief is a dangerous cycle to feed.)
4) Dedication – maintain the gain.
Once people experience breakthrough they need to implement a plan to keep what they have worked for. It’s kind of like staying in the saddle once you learned to ride the horse, or have regular devotions or keep the weight off or…
Since this is a series we’ll get into 2,3 and 4 in the upcoming weeks but for now let’s take a closer look at #1.
Comedian and professional communicator Ken Davis uses the example of a shotgun and a rifle when he talks about focus. For those of you unfamiliar with the difference a shotgun shoots out a multitude of shot pellets in the hopes that one or two of them will hit the intended mark. Shot is usually used for birds or something small. A rifle on the other hand, shoots out a single bullet at a time. The hunter focuses on just one thing and gives it his/her best shot to hit a specific mark.
Without focus people tend to just talk about all kinds of yuck. They tend to ramble to ramble on and on spewing out lots of shot about the circumstance they are in, most often complaining about how “the church” or “they” (their workplace, their friends, their family…) are not there for them.
Pardon the word picture but it’s kind of like throwing up. They expel all the ugly poison within them on you and they walk away feeling better, for the moment, but nothing has really changed except the fact that you are likely all messed up after they dumped their stuff on you.
Imagine the difference if you could offer an alternative.
What if you could offer them hope without having to meet their needs yourself?!
Helping someone see
what is really happening,
what the root of the issue is and
how they can begin to have hope for change
is what people are really looking for – both leaders and needers.
After offering a little true empathy for their plight try asking people questions like these:
- What do you think God may be trying to show you in the midst of all you are going through?
- Moving forward what do you think you could do differently in hopes of a different outcome?
- Who do you need to experience God as in this situation? (Guide, Comforter, Hope, Healer, Redeemer…)
- How can you lean into God in the midst of what you are going through?
- Who are you doing life with? (Lots of people just need to get into a small group and share authentically with others in real life instead of expecting “the church” or the pastor to discern and meet their needs.)
Focus changes things!
When people stop gazing at their problems and start working towawrd solutions lives are changed! Calling forth the focus helps everyone to move forward on their own personal journey.
When people come to you just shooting a bunch of shot out there hoping to hit something, are you helping people focus on one specific item that would make all the difference?