You know that feeling when you are torn between two things? You think want something to work out, but then again you just aren’t sure? You want to let go of something but you aren’t sure if you should….
I’ve been dealing with a situation like that recently. I had an opportunity come to me and I went for it, but then after the first event (of 8!) I wanted to vomit. I felt out of my league – like a Spanish speaker thinking they could get along okay in a Portuguese world. It just didn’t suit me.
After some time in the prayer room God helped me with a plan to lean into the event and finish well, but my dilemma wasn’t so much getting through but the thought that maybe I was supposed to lean into this new venture and do it more often. I felt guilty for not liking the idea. Shouldn’t I want to do things that are uncomfortable? Isn’t that walking out my faith?
James1:6b says …the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
Hello, that was totally me. Back and forth like the waves.
People were telling me I should ‘face my fears’ and ‘get out of my comfort zone’ but it just didn’t feel right.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Facing fears and moving forward in faith are things I live out all the time, but this was different. I wanted to do what was right, but felt obligated instead of compelled.
As I shared this all with my husband on the way home from work one day, he asked me a powerful question that instantly changed my perspective and relieved my heart.
“What’s driving your decision – condemnation or conviction?”
Instantly I knew. I was feeling uncomfortable with this dilemma because it was not driven by conviction to move forward in faith, but by a condemnation that I should want to branch out however things opened up for me. Others, and even the enemy, were speaking out of their own convictions and I needed to find mine!
I’m free now. I’ll pursue whatever God has for me, but only that. I don’t need to be bound by what could be, or what others say, but by my own conviction of what is right!
(Don’t read this wrong – I’m not saying people should do whatever they want – read my blog about not being a renegade and playing the God card “Are You Sure That Is God?”)
The point is that each of us must be sure in our own heart what God is asking us to do! He longs for that kind of one on one interaction with us!
Talk it out: (use this for a small group discussion if you like)
- What is the difference between condemnation and conviction?
- What kinds of things could people feel condemned about?
- How could this understanding free you up personally?
- Where might God be compelling you to move forward through conviction?